Friday, October 21, 2011


Trapped in the Closets, Part 2
~a closet-based saga of epically normal proportions, as told by R. Kelly~

Now listen up, when I first bought my house
Closets had no doors, you see
Take a look at these closets here-- just curtains flying in the breeze

2nd bedroom

And I said:
"Wait a minute!  Now, where am I gonna store all my things?
Without all these people coming in, and seeing everything?"
So I thought:
"Now hold on!  Let's think about this.  There's got to be a way
A way for me to get some doors put on and live to see another day"
So I called a company,
And I said
"Hi and here's my situation, now how fast can you help me out?"
The lady said she'd come over in about a week from now
Finally the day came and the lady said here's some options for you
I said how about that there cheapest option?
She said, go ahead now, think about it
I said I already did that, thanks, what are you talking about?
The lady started going off about the door materials
And I said- Lady, can we do the cheap option or not?
She kept sending me weird e-mails and I said to myself: "now, that's not hot"
So I called another company,
And the lady came over
And she said here are some options for you
Let's take a look at this catalog
And I'm looking at the catalog and I'm all: Lady, why are these catalog pictures so so old?

And the Lady says girl, that ain't your problem, you just mind your business and pick some doors!
And I pointed my finger at her and I said: Well, I think the aesthetic is poor!
She says now hold on, let's get back to business and act like ladies!
And I said OK
She says now, I would suggest the off-white doors, I think that would be best for you.
I said Lady, alright, you know what, I think that seems right to me too.
She said we're having a special promotion, and with that, here's the price we can do
I said I just want some doors on my closets, so I'm not gonna say no to you
I pointed my finger at her again and I said
Now I'm gonna count to four to give you time to install those doors!
And she said no, that's not really how it works
And I said ONE!
She said I think you've misunderstood
I said TWO and I am gonna unload this whole finger on you!
She said what would that even mean?
THREE! Are you ready for this finger load?
She said sure
And I could hardly believe my eyes, what I saw
All the closet doors got put on, and the 2nd bedroom closet even had the inside fixed up a bit!

2nd bedroom
2nd bedroom

And now I'm like
Maybe off-white was not the right choice
But we can't go back and re-choose our past
Not unless we want to do a lot of painting
So I'm pretty sure I'll just live with them for now, with these doors I chose
Unless they really start to bug me
Because at least now I have doors that open and close
And the closets are much less fugly

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