Monday, October 24, 2011

THE BATTLE HYMN OF THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL

Battle Hymn of the Garbage Disposal
~a ballad about fighting the good (long) fight~

Mine eyes had seen the glory of disposals in the sink
I would like to have one too, that is a thought that I did think
I'll just buy one, have it put in-- not an eyelash did I blink
About that, I was wrong

Holy holy of the moly
Holy holy of the moly
Holy holy of the moly
Took so long to get done

I asked my friends for their thoughts and in unison they said:
"Do make sure it has the power of a half a horse's head"
But when I got home I saw that I had one full horse instead


One more time I was wrong

Lazy lazy, I just kept it
Lazy lazy, I just kept it
Lazy lazy, I just kept it
Just wanted this all done

There had never been a disposal in all my kitchen's years
But to live a day without one, that did make me feel some fears
So I asked my Handy Lady and then she lent me her ears
The truth was, I was wrong

Worry worry, I began to
Worry worry, I began to
Worry worry, I began to
Would this ever get done?

The first thing that I needed was some electricity
So I had my friend Sir BillTed come and install that for me
After many hours, under the sink, an outlet I did see
But it's taking so long

Slowly slowly, there was progress
Slowly slowly, there was progress
Slowly slowly, there was progress
But it still wasn't done

Then the second thing I needed was to have a plumber come
So I poked around on Angie's List and found someone to plumb
He came and named his price to work; by this time I was numb
Just please don't take too long

Quickly quickly, he installed pipes
Quickly quickly, he installed pipes
Quickly quickly, he installed pipes
And finally it was done!

(with apologies to Julia Ward  Howe)

garbage disposal, installed
air switch in the sink that turns the disposal on and off;
the plumber took out a soap dispenser to use the space for the switch









































2 comments:

  1. I sang the entire song and loved every off key note! But one question remains: Is a whole horse better than a half or does it entirely run away with the carriage?

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  2. You know what, it has proven to be a very well-behaved horse so far! It is powerful, but quietly so, and I appreciate that.

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