Saturday, September 3, 2011


I need a bed.

I haven't slept on a normal bed-- like a really bed-y, bed-like bed?-- for a few years.  Mattress/box spring on the floor?  Yes.  Air mattress on the floor?  Yep.  Couch?  Indeed.  In fact, in the absence of a real bed-like bed, 'couch' is the option I've been going with for the last couple of weeks.

sweet dreams are made of this

I've gone so long without a real bed-like bed mostly because I'm lazy.  I suppose I should have gotten around to this a couple of years ago?  But, you  know, I...didn't.  Also, I can sort of sleep anywhere (and really, any time) so I didn't feel terribly compelled to figure it out.  Plus-- hey-- real beds?  Those are expensive!

But now, I think the time has come.  I own a house; my house should contain a bed.  A real, bed-y, bed-like bed.  Because I am an old lady, I want an adjustable bed.  I also want a memory foam mattress.  You know what though-- those are *expensive!*

I've gone to 4 different mattress stores now, trying to comparison shop, to wheel, to deal.  It is Labor Day weekend, so there are sales to be explored.  But I think I no matter what, it's going to be expensive.  Essentially, the options on the table are:
1.  expensive
2. *expensive*

My instinct, of course, is split.  I find myself in this kind of situation frequently lately.  For example, do I hire a more expensive handyperson, on the assumption that they will do a better job?  Or is there really no consistent correlation between the rate per hour and the skill of the person?  Similarly, do I go with nicer carpets, since I will have to look at them every day?  Or really, are they just carpets?

With the three bed options, #3 is easy to rule out.  I am, after all, a middle class girl at heart.  Having been raised at the midpoint of the median in the middle of the economic road, I can't even fathom Option #3.  In discussing Option #3 with a salesman (and they are ALL men, in these mattress places), I found out it would cost me $280/month for 18 months.

Me: $280/month?  That's a car payment.  No.
Salesman:  Well, these last even longer than cars!  You let me know where your car is in 10 years!
Me: No YOU shut up.

OK, I didn't tell him to shut up.  But -- he should shut up.  My car in 10 years.  haaaaarumph.  That is not the point.

(Is it?)

I had a different salesman who quoted me a too-high price over the phone also pitch a bit of a fit when I balked at the total.

Me:  OK, well thank you for that information, I appreciate it.  Should I call this number if I decide to go ahead with this?
Salesjerk: Wait, so what's stopping you from going ahead with this?
Me:  I don't want to.  Not right now?  I need to visit a couple of actual stores before I make my decision.
Salesjerk: Come on, you know you're not going to find a lower price than what I'm giving you, Cristina.
Me: Um...actually, I think that's the point-- I don't know that, not yet.
Salesjerk:  Are you not really committed to buying an adjustable bed?
Me:  [......?]
Salesjerk: Well, maybe you're not really committed to buying an adjustable bed.  I'm just trying to help you get what you want, Cristina.
Me:  Um...y-yeahhh, well.  I...[does he have to keep saying my name?]
Salesjerk:  Are you on drugs?  You sound like you're on drugs.
Me:  [hangs up]

The point for me is that I can't afford anything approaching option #3, however long it lasts or however much I want it.

So, I am trying to put together something along the lines of Option #1.  This will involve creative use of Macy's for the adjustable frame, Overstock for the memory foam mattress, and a self-assembeled Ikea frame to wrap it all up.  This will save me about $800-$900 over Option #2.  Given what I've learned about this type of bed and mattress, I think what I've picked should work.

But then, Paranoia Alert starts to sound its alarms, and I think-- BUT WHAT IF IT DOESN'T?  WHAT IF IT DOES NOT WORK, AND THEN I AM A FOOL WHO HAS TRIED TO SAVE MONEY WHEN SHE SHOULD HAVE SPENT IT?  WHAT IF I AM ZIGGING WHEN I SHOULD ZAG, SCRIMPING WHEN I SHOULD SPLURGE?  Because, I mean-- what if I should just pay the extra, and end up with a frame and mattress that I have actually tried out and that are made to go together?  Isn't that better than taking a somewhat educated guess on the internets, especially since this is a bed?

But then again- $900.  This is ridiculous.  Maybe my creatively-sourced bed will not be the most amaaaazing thing ever to exist, but it'll be fine.  It'll be nice, definitely nicer than what I've had in a while. Creatively sourcing it just makes it a Frankenbed.  And then, I'll have $900 to put towards something else in the house.  Doors, maybe-- doors for the closets.  That would be good.  I want this bed to be nice, but it's far from the only big bucks event at the Frankenhouse.


  1. I think you should check out Craigslist for an adjustable bed that was used in home health care. Sure, a person may or may not have died it that bed, but in the long run it will save you bundles.

    ps. you are not an old person

  2. I feel like an old person. A very old person. Then again, maybe the fact that I haven't had a normal bed in so long has contributed to the old feeling. Maybe maybe someone passed peacefully and left an adjustable frame behind...