Friday, August 5, 2011


Take a moment.  Give yourself a pat on the back.   Go ahead.  

Why?  Because no matter who you are, you are more successful at social interaction than I am.  Simple small talk?  Errrr...I, awkward.  Chit-chat in a store or at a restaurant?  I DON'T WANT TO TALK, JUST SELL ME THE SHOES/CLOTHES/DINNER.  Relationships?  All kinds of relationships, routinely, I fail.  

You are also, no matter who you are, most likely better at decision making than I am.  Here is a rough guide to my decision-making process:
  1. Hem
  2. Haw
  3. Hem-Haw
  4. Wonder to myself: Did I hem?
  5. Hem
  6. Wonder to myself: I'm not sure I hawed enough.
  7. Haw--hard-- so I'll be sure to remember that I HAWED.
  8. Wonder if there's any way to put off the decision.
  9. Ask my family/friends what they think.
  10. Think to myself: Well, 2 months have gone by.  I guess I could either hem, or I could haw.
The current decision I face is the worst of all possible kinds for me, because it involves social interaction.  Like most homeowners, I need a handyman, or a handyperson.  I need to start and build a sustainable relationship with someone who is handy enough to help me shape up the Frankenstein House.  

So far, I've had 3 handypersons come.  Handyman #1 was Gladhand Ed, who came with ESL Sidekick.  Handyman #2 was actually a Handy Lady, which I thought was kind of awesome.  I showed her some of the handytasks to be done, and she seemed up for the job and gave me a rough estimate.  Handyman #3 was a really nice guy.  A really nice, well-qualified guy.  Reeeeally nice.  So, so nice.  His socks were very white, so I'll call him White Sox.  Came to the Frankenstein House to go over the handytasks, and then sent me an estimate and responded to a few questions.

Handy Lady? White Sox?  White Sox?  Handy Lady?  Handy Lady is more affordable, no question.  She also comes highly recommended, and is available sooner than White Sox.

But how can I tell White Sox that even though he came, and even though he sent me an estimate-- I think I won' asking him over again?  Not anytime soon, anyway?

I mean, I just...I really...I have no words.  And words are exactly what I need right now.

See, I bet you would know what to do in this situation.  Give yourself a pat on the back.  Or, let me give you a high five through the internets.

Here is where I would like to, as my brother says, high-five it out with White Sox.  As in: No hard feelings, thanks for your time!   I appreciate that you came, and you seem nice and good at your job, so high five, man!  High five that you're good at your job and nice, and even if I don't use you right now, I might want to contact you in the future.  Would that be OK?  Yes?  OK, awesome.  High five.  Leave on good terms, high-five it out.

But, ugh--for someone as socially awkward and decisionally-challenged as I am, that is sooo much easier said than done.


  1. I am going to try to channel someone who'd be good at this, since it's not me. As your most devoted follower I have to try at least. Perhaps this is not social interaction. This is business! And today, the lower bid wins your business. Thanks so much for coming out, but I've decided to go with a lower estimate. And punto!

    In reality, I would just never call him again and avoid his calls.

  2. Cris,

    He's probably used to it.


    The thing is, I can relate to your fear of letting him down, I've been there and still am with some people...

    But look, wouldn't you rather get the interaction OVER with? Do you want that lingering feeling of something...left...undone...?

    Wouldn't you prefer, if you were white sox, a nice pleasant phone call saying thank you for your time, thank you for the estimate, I've decided to go another route for the sake of expenses and female solidarity?

    At least white sox wouldn't wonder and he could move on and there wouldn't be the feeling of "jeez, I went to all that trouble - at the very least Frankenstein house lady could give me a phone call. Pffff, women."

    Aren't you allowed to choose something over another without it being a negative reflection on the road not taken? (Now white sox is a road from a Robert Frost poem)

    P.S. I like the idea of a handy lady too and you can probably leave the female solidarity comment out of your phone call with white sox.