Thursday, August 18, 2011


I am superstitious.  Some part of my limbic brain really believes that if I knock on wood, that will ward off bad luck.  I do believe things can be jinxed.  Things can be portentous.  Things that you don't think have meaning-- those Things can have Meaning! 

This applies to a variety of topics large and small, but tonight, the be-careful-what-you-think-about Thing applies to bugs.

A few of my friends tonight were trading stories of ants, tarantulas, and roaches, and so even though I have established pest control, I just feel the need to warn the bugs of the world away from my house.  If you are thinking of coming in here, bugs, you just KEEP ON WALKIN'.  You go ahead and you WALK ON BY.

Special dedication, to all the bugs out there--  if you are in my sight, I will kill you all the way dead with whatever I have available-- whether that is my hand, my shoe, or a can of lemon Pledge.  You will get a faceful of lemon Pledge, and that lemon scent will be the last thing you remember of this mortal coil.  Do you hear me?  Do not, as they say, get it twisted- -just because I was a vegetarian for 10 years doesn't mean that I won't end your life.

[Here, I should note-- I actually have killed a spider in my house with lemon Pledge.  Later, I had a handyman tell me that killing spiders in a new house is bad luck.  Hmmmm.]

The other part of this is-- I just enjoy the consistently non-intuitive (or--is it actually ultra- intuitive?) orthography of the following bug-related products:

ya bug, u b gon, k.  u b kild on kontakt, so u b gon 4 real.  lolz.  ttyl.  jk.

i'ma gonna geta you, bug!  looka out! 

Whew, there we go-- existential bases covered and wood, knocked on.  Crisis averted?  For now.