Tuesday, July 19, 2011

THE NAMES OF THINGS: CARPET.

As I get to know the Frankenstein House better and better, I am learning the names of things.  
Things, I am learning, have names.  
House things, these things, about the house- they have names, you see.  
Names other than 'thing.'  

My home maintenance vocabulary is in its infancy.   Similarly, my vocabulary is limited in other arenas where I have little direct experience-- like birds.  What kind of bird is that?  I have no idea.  Or trees.  Is that a cedar?  a birch?  an elm?  an oak?  If it's a large plant that stands up straight but is not a cactus, I'm out.  I have no idea.  The only trees I can identify with any certainty are jacaranda (because they're everywhere in LA, and so pretty!) and peach (because I have a stray peach tree in my back yard, like this).


Carpets, I found out today, also have names.  Great names!  AMAZING names, delightful names!  I don't know why.  I just know they do.   Or rather, I guess carpets come in series or groups for some reason?  And these groups of carpet families have their family names.  Like Family Feud.  For example, the carpet families that live at Home Depot have names like this:

why, Carpet, that's so...forward of you.  i'm not going to just hop
 in the sack with the first nice carpet I see.

--hey, nice carpet!
oh, thanks, it's from Home Depot's ENRAPTURED II collection.

it's like I...could get lost...in this carpet's eyes...

not sure where the sales pitch is here.  think we went a bit off the rails.

In the end, I think I'm most likely going with another big name in carpet: Martha Stewart.  That is the name of a thing I can get behind.  

Update: For the carpet installation experience and finished look, check out the Franken-Carpets post.

4 comments:

  1. OMG, this is amazing. I never knew...

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  2. I didn't know either! Who could have known? And this was only a small sample...there were other, similarly-amazingly-named carpet families that I didn't have a chance to document.

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  3. I wonder if the namer of these carpets feels embarrassed or ridiculous. Seriously, the application of such words to such a generic (no offense to your carpet, cris) item deadens the meaning of the words themselves.

    So, which one did you choose? What's underneath the carpet? Ever think about hard wood? Spanish tile? Slate? Ikea has some options if you can stomach a trip to the bright Scandinavian candy land where everything is named with umlauts and too many consonants.

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  4. Haha! I wonder who *did* name these carpets. Who decided that the words for these carpets needed to be so extravagant? And now, I'm thinking about Russia, where I always felt like everything was virtually required to have the least interesting name possible. If it is a carpet, it will be 'carpet.' If there are 2 kinds, they will be 'this carpet' and 'that carpet.' Nothing more frivolous than that.

    My carpet will be different than these-- but not that different. Just a light gray-brown. Nothing interesting. Because the floors of the house are uneven in the bedrooms, I don't think I can have hardwood (although I would like to). Yep, uneven floors.

    So funny about Ikea-- I was actually working on a post about Ikea last night! A candyland of consonants! OH my. Yes. And yet, I find myself drawn to it...hard to argue with cheap.

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